Bounce back stronger
Photo by Marcos Dugarte on Unsplash
Setbacks can often feel like the end of the road. They can leave you feeling isolated and alone. In 2021, Oracle & Workplace Intelligence reported that 92% of people feel stuck in some aspect of their lives at any given time.
Whether it’s a career slump, a failed relationship or a personal struggle, setbacks are experiences that we cannot avoid, no matter how hard we try.
Just look at J.K. Rowling, for example. She experienced her fair share of setbacks, being rejected by publishers again and again. But, she persisted and built a franchise that’s captured the minds of so many readers, making her one of the best-selling authors.
I get it, setbacks can feel personal, and it’s hard not to feel that way. But, I’m slowly learning that the key to setbacks is learning how to bounce back stronger. It can be tough, but I’m trying not to let my setbacks define me. In fact, I’m beginning to realise that these setbacks that I’m experiencing are shaping me - teaching me patience and resilience.
The nature of setbacks
The setback you experience will be unique to you. At this moment of writing, my biggest setback is working my way through the UK’s challenging job market.
Job hunting at any time is hard. But this constant change in markets mixed in with a wave of rejections has taken a toll on my mental health and well-being. I feel physically and emotionally drained. And at times, I can’t help but feel alone, questioning my abilities, my experience and my self-worth.
It doesn’t help that these doubts have been amplified by social media, as I compare my journey to others who appear to be thriving.
So I’ve quietly stepped back, acknowledging that this is a difficult season of my life and that my setbacks are not a reflection of my worth.
I know I’m not alone, as I’ve recognised that my setbacks can be shared experiences rather than personal failures, which has helped shift my perspective.
According to the Office for National Statistics (ONS), unemployment and financial instability are among the leading contributors to stress and anxiety in the UK, particularly among men.
The emotional toll
Setbacks can stir up a string of emotions, such as self-doubt, frustration, and shame. I would get frustrated with myself for feeling low and ashamed that I’m not winning in life like those around me. But it’s okay to feel this way, as suppressing emotions doesn’t make them disappear; it just makes them harder to process later.
It’s a well-known fact that men struggle to express their feelings. We are taught from a young age to "be strong", "tough it out", and "not show weakness".
These pressures push men into emotional isolation, where they suffer in silence rather than seek support. But acknowledging our emotions shouldn’t be seen as a weakness - it’s a strength. Talking to friends and family or engaging in hobbies can provide the emotional space and support.
The consequences of suppressing feelings
When we suppress our struggles, they can lead to;
Burnout
A constant need to power through leads to exhaustion and decreased productivity.Isolation
The fear of appearing weak prevents many men from opening up, leading to loneliness.Strained relationships
Emotional suppression can hinder relationships with partners, children, and friends.
In addition, ignoring mental health could also have physical consequences, such as chronic stress, which has been linked to high blood pressure, heart disease, and weakened immune function (Mental Health Foundation, UK).
6 steps to reclaim your momentum
Step 1: Acknowledge the setback
Acceptance without self-judgement is the first step to bouncing back. Don’t dwell on failures. Try;
Journaling to clarify your thoughts and emotions.
Talking to someone, such as a close friend, family member and even a coach.
Acknowledging setbacks is about making sense of what happened so that you can move forward with clarity.
Step 2: Set small goals
Challenges can feel overwhelming, especially if they are big. So, break challenges down into smaller steps. For example:
I struggled with burnout, so I started by prioritising a single self-care habit, like taking a daily walk.
If you’re facing career setbacks, commit to one productive task a day, such as updating your CV.
Each small step is a small victory that helps build momentum.
Step 3: Build a support network
You’re not alone, and you don’t have to work through your setbacks by yourself. Build a support system:
Reach out to close friends and family.
Join a support group, such as Movember and CALM (Campaign Against Living Miserably).
Seek professional help like therapy. Therapy is a sign of self-respect, not weakness.
I’ve found that working with a coach has helped create the space I need to set small, actionable goals.
Step 4: Reframe negative thoughts
Negative thinking can be exhausting. So, reframe negative thoughts into growth-focused perspectives:
"I failed." becomes "I learned something valuable."
"I can’t do this." becomes "I can take it one step at a time."
Speaking positively to yourself helps motivate and demonstrate self-care.
Step 5: Prioritise physical well-being
Physical well-being impacts mental resilience. Focus on:
Exercise - even if it’s 15 minutes a day. I’ve found that exercising boosts my mood.
Nutrition - try to avoid excess sugar and caffeine and opt for whole foods. I’ve made tweaks to my diet that have really helped.
Sleep - try to get between 7-9 hours of good quality rest. It will improve emotional stability.
Step 6: Celebrate small wins
Take time to recognise the progress you’ve made - it will fuel your motivation. So celebrate wins by:
Keeping a journal of achievements.
Rewarding yourself with a new book, a relaxing evening, or a fun activity.
Progress is not about speed. It’s about consistency.
Life will never be without challenges. But your ability to adapt determines how well you can bounce back.
Embrace change. Stay open to new opportunities. Trust in your capacity to grow.
Setbacks don’t define you - they will refine you.
If you want to explore coaching and learn how it works, reach out and let’s get your bounce back.
